In any relationship, it is inevitable that arguments will occur. In some relationships they are very rare…in others, they happen multiple times a day.
When many people get into the heat of an argument, they often find it difficult to remember the original point. And what is the point of an argument?
Well, an argument occurs when there is a disagreement between two people. The assumption is that one person is right and the other person is wrong about some issue. Each person thinks that he or she is the right one and tries to convince the other person of this so that something may be done.
Oftentimes what happens, however, when an argument heats up is both people forget that the point of an argument is to establish the truth: who is right, who is wrong, for what reasons, what should they do about it, how can they move forward and how can they put this behind them. Instead, each person gets caught up in appearing right or “winning” the argument or projecting the reality that he or she is more certain. It’s like, who is the more confident one? Who is the person more certain of himself? And then the the other person “loses”, by virtue of the fact that they can’t keep up with the “pace” of the argument.
In other words, the point of the argument becomes winning, as opposed to resolving an issue. And, it goes without saying that the true point of an argument should be to resolve an issue.
When you’re concerned with winning the argument, that is destructive to the relationship. And it is indicative of someone who is trying to evade reality. When you try to “win” against someone in an arbitrary contest, it is fundamentally insecure behavior. A secure person knows their value. They know their position. They don’t need prove to themselves or to others that they are more “forceful” in an argument or that they have more certainty, in order to feel good about themselves. They feel good about themselves, regardless of these things.
A person with high self-esteem does not engage in the type of arguments where people are “battling” each other. If someone tries to start this type of argument with a person of high self-esteem, he will simply bypass it and either leave or not respond to it at all.
Arguments are important.
Sometimes arguments start for completely innocent reasons. Sometimes there is an honest misunderstanding between two people because of a communication error. And in these situations, the arguments are very helpful. They help resolve an issue. They help clear up a misunderstanding. Both partners come out of it understanding each other better and the relationship is better off for it.
The word “argument” has such a negative connotation. When, in fact, an argument is neither negative or positive. An argument can be used for extremely healthy purposes. It can be a completely neutral activity where both people simply discuss something. An argument can be more heated, but still healthy, if both people are focused on resolving an issue.
When you focus on battling the other person or winning the argument by whatever means necessary, such as negating logic or bringing up irrelevant topics, then it is destructive to the relationship.
Both partners lose a bit of trust in each other because they were trying to manipulate each other. They weren’t being honest with each other.
When you feel a strong desire to put your partner in his or her place, you have to understand that it is always unhealthy and insecure. And you have to find out the reasons behind that desire, otherwise it will manifest itself in more argument or in other ways that also damage the relationship. You want to have open communication, trust and understanding between both people. When you have a healthy relationship, the only arguments that occur are genuine misunderstandings. And they only work to move the relationship forward.
Mark is an Internet Marketer and Electrical Engineer. His interests include meeting new people, making music, listening to music, travel and psychology. Come visit his latest website at